Everyone loves a good joke, and nothing beats making people groan with an awful pun. With that in mind, we’ve put together an article full to the Bream with funny fishing jokes, Crappie one-liners, and some classic dad jokes that we think are Asp-ecially good. You’ll be fall-Ling about laughing for some of them. The Wrasse-d will just make you Grunt. Enjoy!
Classic Funny Fishing Jokes
Catching Fish
Jim got up bright and early one weekend and headed to the local river. He fished all day long but didn’t catch a thing. On the way home, he stopped at the fish market.
“I want to buy the three biggest Steelhead you’ve got,” he said to the owner.
The owner starts to bag up his order when Jim says, “No need for that, just throw them at me.”
“Why would I do that?” the owner asked.
“So I can tell my wife that I caught three fish today!”
Pet Fish
A woman is walking on a beach in Texas carrying two Redfish in a bucket. A game warden walks up and asks to see her fishing license.
“I don’t have a fishing license,” says the woman.
“You know it’s illegal to fish without a license, right?” asks the warden.
“I wasn’t fishing, officer. These Redfish are my pets.”
“Your pets?”
“Yes, officer. They like a little exercise, so when the weather’s fine, I take them to the water and let them swim around. Once they’re done, I give them a whistle and they jump back into my bucket and we head home.”
The officer isn’t buying a word of it, so the woman says, “Don’t believe me? Watch!” and she throws the fish into the sea.
The warden waits for a minute then says, “Alright, now whistle to your fish and make them jump out of the water.”
The fisherwoman turns to the officer and says, “What fish?”
A Quality Lure
Bob’s walking down the street when he sees a kid sitting on his front porch jigging in a bucket.
As he reaches the kid, Bob stops for a better look. The bucket’s empty.
He asks the kid, “What are you fishing for, son?”
The kid looks up and says with a shrug, “Suckers mainly.”
Bob smiles and asks, “Caught any yet?”
“Yep,” the kid replies. “You’re the tenth.”
Ice Fishing Jokes
The Drunken Ice Fisherman
A Canadian angler had a few too many to drink and decided to go ice fishing. He grabbed his gear, stepped out onto the ice, and started to cut a hole when he heard a booming voice shout:
“THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!”
The man jumped up and looked around, but he didn’t see anyone. He carried on cutting into the ice, and again, the voice boomed:
”THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!”
Still nobody. Was he going mad? The man stumbled to a new spot and started drilling another hole when the voice shouted for a third time:
”THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!”
The man looked up into the blinding light and said ”Is that you, God?”
The voice answered, ”NO YOU IDIOT. IT’S THE MANAGER OF THE ICE RINK!”
Traveling Businessmen
Two men from warmer climes were in Minnesota on business and wanted to try ice fishing. They stopped at a bait shop near a frozen lake and went to get some supplies.
“We need an ice pick,” said the first man.
The clerk handed them their gear and wished them happy fishing.
A couple of hours later, the second man came back and said, “We need another ice pick.”
The clerk sold him the pick, and the man wandered off.
An hour later, both men walked into the shop again. They stormed up to the counter and said, “Ice fishing’s terrible. We want our money back!”
The clerk looked confused and asked them, “Are you not having any luck?”
Looking furious, the first man replied, “Of course not! We don’t even have the stupid boat in the water yet!”
Floridians Up North
Two Floridian anglers were out ice fishing during a trip up north. They’d been at it for hours and hadn’t caught a thing.
“I don’t know what we’re doing wrong,” said the first man.
Just then, a local passed on a snowmobile with a whole bucket of fish on the back.
The second man turns to the first and says, “That’s why we’re not catching anything, we’re not trolling!”
Fresh Bait
Chuck had been out on the ice all day without seeing a single fish. Not even a nibble. He decides that today’s not the day and starts to pack up, when this old guy walks up.
Without saying a word, he cuts a hole a few feet from Chuck and immediately catches a fish.
The old guy coughs, baits his hook, and within seconds, there’s another fish on his line. This happens two, three times within as many minutes.
Chuck can’t believe his eyes. He’s been out here all day without seeing a single fish. He walks over to the man and asks, “What’s your secret?”
“Woohattakipowrmwm” the old man answers back.
“What did you say?” replies Chuck.
The man looks over, spits out a mouthful of worms on the ice and says, ”You have to keep your worms warm.”
Short Fishing Jokes and One-Liners
What do you call a lazy Crawfish?
A slobster.
What sort of music should you listen to while fishing?
Something catchy.
Why is fishing such good business?
The net profits.
What do you call a fish that practices medicine?
A Sturgeon.
How many fishermen does it take to change a light bulb?
One, but you should have seen the bulb – it was THIS big!
What did the Trout say when it swam into a wall?
Dam!
What do you call a fish that won’t shut up?
A Largemouth.
What’s the fastest fish in the lake?
A motor-Pike.
Why don’t fish play soccer?
They’re afraid of the net.
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A fsh.
Why do fish swim in schools?
Because they can’t walk.
What’s the difference between a fish and a piano?
You can tune a piano, but you can’t tuna fish.
Why are fish cleverer than people?
Ever see a fish spend a fortune trying to catch a human?
Two fish are in a tank. One turns to the other and asks,
“Any idea how to drive this thing?”
A man walks into a seafood shack carrying a Salmon and asks, “Do you make fish cakes?”
“Yes, of course,” the server replies.
“Great,” says the man, “It’s his birthday!”
Final Words of Wisdom
These are the Bass-t fish jokes we could come up with. Think you ‘Cuda done better? Mullet over and drop us a line with your best funny fishing jokes. We look forward to Herring them!
